My thoughts about Perfect by Rachel Joyce (Spoiler alert)

“No one knows how to be normal, Jim. We’re all just trying our best. Sometimes we don’t have to think about it and other times it’s like running after a bus that’s already halfway down the street.” 
― Rachel Joyce, Perfect

I just finished read Perfect like weeks ago. Perfect it's not the kind of book that makes me feels...freeze (?) after reading it. You know, sometimes after i read a very book that dear to me, i always have this kind of feelings, that i don't want to leave their world and keep coming back to read some page that i really like and i keep doing it for weeks after i finished it. But, it's totally different with Perfect, when i was reading this book, i always want to end it fast, it's not because Perfect it's not a good book, it is a very very good book, but every time i turn the page i keep getting scared and paranoid with what would happen to Diana and Byron, every single time the trouble that happens to Diana pass, i never feel safe, it's like there is a snowball that kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger and just needs one trigger to roll and crush every single thing.

Even if i really really love this book, i can't read it again, ever. Why? because i got really depressed after reading it. I can't stop crying whenever i thought about how unfair it is for Diana and Byron. Why it must happen to them? Why it must happen to Diana? to Byron? Diana is such a lovely and perfect person even with all her imperfection. She really loves her children, Byron & Lucy, and always want the very best for them, always trying to be a perfect wife for Seymour, trying her best to fit in with all the mothers, trying to be a very good friend for Beverley, but no one appreciates all her effort and that makes me feel sad for Diana. When she thoughts she finally have a friend that she could talk to, that finally she no longer feel lonely, all she got was betrayed by her friends and get judged by others. Byron know that his mother is so kind, lovely and always trying her best, that's why he always trying to protect her with all of his power.

So, when Diana died, and Byron got really depressed because of it, no one helps him, not even his father and his sister when they grew up and his only best friend, James, left him alone days after his mother's funeral. I feel like, what's wrong with all the adults? What's wrong with all of this judging from the society? Why they let Byron feels that all of this tragedy are because of him? Why can they embrace him? Why they must exile Byron because of his mental illness? Why no one helps him? and what makes me feel depressed is that's the reality, it really happens in our real life.

What's sadder is, after Diana died, Byron feels that his existence only makes people around him got hurt, that makes him unconsciously erased his own identity and using James (Jim) as his own identity for years without knowing who he really was, because he knows that 'James' is the brave and smart one, unlike 'Byron' who always brings trouble and mess to his surrounding.

That's why my favorite part is when James and Byron finally met (i can't stop crying when i read these part), that finally James could apologies to Byron and Byron could talk about his forgotten past and no longer feel guilty and ashamed for being Byron as he finally introduced himself to the world as Byron, Byron Hemmings.

What i get from Perfect is, what is the point of being perfect when you are feeling lonely and distant? The best thing is to embrace your imperfection and be happy with what you already have and keep trying the best.


xx,
ash